This karaoke bar takes its music

 The Andheri West I knew was a laidback, mostly residential neighbourhood that an outsider zoomed through to reach snazzier locales. Its modest size precludes any conversation but helps bind the audience — singers and listeners alike — into one chummy scrum of music lovers. Blaise Church, Amboli, Caesar Road, Andheri (w), Amboli, Mumbai 400 058.KP Udyan, near Versova police station, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 058. Phone: 022 65517111Option B - Go to a friend’s house and sleepNo, I’m not becoming shaana. Road, Opp. Bring your own sports trigger sprayer Manufacturers gear. 3, Bharat Ark, Veera Desai Road, Azad Nagar, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 058.1:00 p. Slip away from deafening Caesar Road (look out for the stateliness of Victoria Cottage) and into the quietude of sun-dappled lanes lined by quaint houses with names like Richards Pride and Myrtle’s Dream.

Tawas sizzle, the crowd thins, the sun rises, and why in the world are you still in Andheri west?Mohd Nasir Cooper Wala Pav Bhaji & Bhurji Centre, Mangal Jyot, CD Barfiwala Road, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 058.Option A - Joeys PizzaThere is a moment after you have single-mouthed-ly engulfed an entire keema do pyaaza pizza when your chin nuzzles your chest, eyelids melt into each other, and your sticky hand is too exhausted to rise up all the way up to your face and wipe the Joker-ish smear of Joey’s sauce that is accentuating your lips. Live music and stand-up comedy. So catch a late afteoon show at Fun Republic, where the cheapest seats are as luxurious as the Peacock Thrones in other multiplexes nearby.If you happen to find yourself in its vicinity later in the day at around noon, dash in to claim the legendary mawa cakes; they disappear from shelves before you can say khoya (whattepun, whattefun!). Pretend to shop at Susae Khan’s Charcoal Project for fuiture that costs almost as much as the Peacock Throne did. What the meat-freaks may miss out on is the most comforting, nourishing, flavourful Dal Khichdi they will ever have. Phone a friend, go over, and go to sleep. 6 & 7, Upvan Building, D.

The cashier says they’re sold out by 2 p.Versova is not Andheri West.Option A - Ganeshji Iyengar Fast FoodPotted palms attempt to purdah this Bangalore Iyengar eatery/open-air café from a teeming road. Phone: 022 2628 6603The Charcoal Project, Unit No.m. Were I to relaunch the Chicken Soup series in India, I’d title it Dal Khichdi For The Soul; the book jacket would sport a picture of Harish’s finest offering.For better or worse, this has been my home for 15 years, and I have found - amidst the incessant gridlocks, cookie-cutter apartment towers, and token footpaths colonised by two rows of hawkers - a few redeeming features that root me to my gaon. And if you cock a ear, you can eavesdrop on a coer store conversation conducted in pure Konkani.m.Option A - Merwans Cake ShopThroughout my parents’ childhood and mine, Merwans was the Willy Wonka of bakes and confectionery.Gilbert Hill, Sagar City, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 047. Neither is Four Bungalows, nor is Seven. I duo, figure it out, men. French-kiss a Black Mamba (Chocolate oat cream stout), experience the quirkiness of a Botwork Orange (Belgian Wit). Phone: 022 2673 0975Option C — Cooperwala BhurjiIt’s raat ke dhaai baje and the shehnai bajaaoing in your head is the ethanol coursing through what’s left of your brain after 12 hours in Andheri West. Phone: 022 3969 8091Option B — Roadhouse BluezIf you’re sufficiently sozzled, head over to Roadhouse Bluez and be prepared to be blasted backwards by an off-key voice screaming the lyrics of Another Brick In The Wall.9:30 a. If you are a musician or dancer, feel free to claim the open-air stage built around an old tree. and 4 p. Blaise Church and faing out behind it, Amboli gaothan has been living and loving for centuries before the first skyscraper. Rest on a wooden bench that hugs the curve of your back and watch a hip-hop crew practising in the gazebo.Joeys Pizza, Shop No.Andheri Fire Station, Near Bharat Petrol Pump, Swami Vivekanand Marg, Irla Bridge, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 058. 225), Squash (Rs.Hotel Radha Krishna, No. Phone: 022 2673 0333Option B — Ganesh Temple, Andheri Fire BrigadeIt’s weird, perhaps even unfashionable, to recommend a place of worship, particularly if you, like me, are irreligious. 1, D-Mall, Off Veera Desai Road, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 058.

This is the kind of place at which you can order by looking at the ceiling (there’s nothing there, the ambience is Spartan) and stabbing at the menu - whatever your finger lands on is the yummiest pizza in the suburbs.Option B — Kala Pradarshini UdyanUnlike most public gardens, this one does not boast of a lawn.6 pmOption A — Gilbert HillClimb the stairs up this 200ft-high monolithic rock to get a 360-degree view of Andheri (west). V. Rates are per court/table per hour, excluding 18% GST.8:00 p. Hence, absent are littering families and screaming children. Road, Irla, Vile Parle (w), Mumbai 400 056.m. If ye possess fortitude, a sense of humour, and feet that itch to be run over by demented bikes, read on. My grandmother is a very busy woman who has Malayalamserials to watch. Instead, you’ll find scores of tall, wild trees looming over well-manicured shrubs, intersected by walking paths used by very few. Phone: 022 2624 8157. Caivores from far and wide congregate here for its superlative seafood with a South Indian twist, sho of branding and brouhaha. Feel free to ask for extra saambaar. No one will mind; some may pause to watch.V. Then, years ago, it was paralysed by the Real Estate Virus; today, its middle-class residents are horrified by the glut of man and machine on its once sufficiently-wide roads, and Andheri West doesnt know what to do with itself. Hic.St.com.Option A - anywhere indoorsLet’s cut to the chase: it’s hot, you’re in a food coma and need to recuperate semi-horizontally, preferably with air-conditioning.m. Road, Next to Indian Bank, Madhav Nagar, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 058. You don’t need to be a member or even pay a deposit; from Tuesday to Saturday between 10 a. Phone: 022 2671 57583:00 p. It’s a pity they’ve stopped making their signature rum balls, but you can always console yourself with a loaf of sliced plum cake embedded with fruit chunks marinated in something strong and spirited. If Andheri and you were to be coected on Facebook, your mutual friends would number in two, if not three digits. 50, S. 240), and Pickleball (Rs.

This karaoke bar takes its music seriously; there are no lulls, no friends pushing each other to take the mic, no I-give-up-I-can’t-sings. Point and guess the locations of every place on this list youve visited.Navrang Cinema, Near Metro Bridge, JP Road, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 058. Watch planes take off over the dirty grey sea and watch the sun set over it. Closed on Thursdays. Or spend an hour-and-a-half trying on every last scrap of fabric in Fab India. Its time has come. Don’t be shy.m. 150), Table Teis (Rs. Delectable food.Brewbot, G-01 & 101, Morya Landmark 1, Off New Link Road, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 053.N. Just the right consistency, with a squeeze of lemon, a little pickle, and a mouthful of bliss.Ganeshji Iyengar, Shop No. What started as an Udupi joint now has something called risotto pomobhara on the menu (no, I haven’t a clue) but RK’s idlis, vadas, dosas,  and uttapams remain finger lickin’ good, unlike a KFC opposite that came, saw, gave up and shut down. But this unostentatious temple is an oasis — set back from the road, about the size of your kitchen, an idol less than a foot high, no priest, no loudspeakers, no queue, and often no people. V. Phone: 022 2630 4808Option B - Harish Lunch HomeCartographically, this is just over the border in Vile Parle, but since I lived nearby and ordered in often, I’ve claimed it for Andheri.Nagar, Madhuban Colony, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 053. Hope you encounter the genial manager instead of the grumpy one and order anything South Indian. Shoppers Stop, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 058.4:30 p., you can play badminton (Rs. Bump into a theatre actor rehearsing his lines, asking a peepul why she left him., Off Shah Industrial Estate, Veera Desai Road, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 058. In the evening, this is the place to be, and just be. Umbilically coected to St.m. Keep one eye roving for a banana grove, endure the fierce glares of Christian dowagers in frocks and middies (and the most beautiful dresses for Sunday Mass).Option B - Hotel Radha KrishnaAndheri’s last surviving Irani succumbed to McDonald’s, but Radha Krishna - or RK, as locals call it - is alive and cooking. Drop by to gawk at fire engines and uniformed firemen lounging and chatting with their families that live on the premises. Everyone knows someone who lives here.Merwans Cake Shop, 9/12/13, S. Sing us a song, you’re the piano man, sing us a song tonight, well we’re all in the mood for a melody, and you’ve got us feeling alright…Roadhouse Bluez, Ground/1st Floor, Tokyo House, Next to Andheri Sports Complex, Azad Nagar, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 053. Or go watch a Bhojpuri film at Navrang with an all-male crowd.Harish Lunch Home, 115, S. They substitute white chutney for the tastier green one and throw in a tiny bowl-let of orange onion chutney. On most moings, its savouries counter resembles a raucous action house, where students and office-goers clamber over each other to grab a smorgasbord of puffs stuffed with the most delightful fillings, and rolls with buns so soft, you can almost see them go googly-woogly-woosh.Option A - Amboli VillageYes, a village, in Andheri West, complete with a Cold Storage and Village Beer Shop.Andheri Sports Complex, Veera Desai Road, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 053. 2, DE Mall, New Chandra CHS LTD. Phone: 093247 06250— By arrangement with thecitystory. And wine not? For too long, beer in Bombay has been an Outcider in the world of sophisticated spirits; a Draft Punk.Option A — BrewbotLocally brewed craft beer. Phone: 022 2679 2756Option B - Andheri Sports ComplexEa your lunch! Shahaji Raje Bhosle Kreeda Sankul is a BMC-run sports facility responsible for making those of us who live in the vicinity look slim and trim (or so we like to think). Joey’s makes it worth living in Andheri West. Almost. Linger over your filter coffee, served in a tumbler and dabara. And Lokhandwala is practically its own principality. Pub, grub, and entertainment hub, Brewbot is curated perfection under one roof.m. If you choose to spend half your day here, you most certainly will. The altitude screens out traffic, noise and pollution, creating a tranquil, windy perch that offers a bird’s-eye view of the burbs.If you ever spend half a day in Andheri West, you might need therapy.Fun Republic, Shah Industrial Estate, Veera Desai Road, Andheri (w), Mumbai 400 053. Phone: 022 6193 6198Fab India, Unit No. Juhu is beyond its borders. Merwans offers a diverse, delicious (all hail the Kabuli chicken!), and ridiculously affordable breakfast. Brewbot takes its beers seriously — it describes the "mouthfeel" of each brew and suggests dishes that would pair well with them.If you bump into a short, stout, friendly South Indian lady clad in white, don’t expect to be invited home for chaaya (tea). 90), Teis (Rs.If you find that you can’t drag your eyes away from a particularly handsome young specimen reading a novel as he savours his rava masala, come over and say hi. Drop in on a Sunday moing to see families wolfing down their Sunday breakfast, a tradition passed down generations.m. Phone: 022 2628 019711:30 a.